a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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