hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
