Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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