I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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