we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
