I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
