Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
