If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
