I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
