i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
