I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Every concussion has its silver lining
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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