Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
