Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
