So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
