So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
