Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
