I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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