I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
