She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
