I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
did i walk over a car last night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
