You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
