it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
