ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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