How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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