I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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