that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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