ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
