Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
