Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
