I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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