There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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