she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
