Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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