I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
