i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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