cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
