who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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