i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
