Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Farmville is her only friend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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