I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
