im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
