he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
