Cold hands, warm shart.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
