I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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