Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
