Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
