So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
