the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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