I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
