I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
